P eople trust body language over words. I constantly observe well-intentioned individuals undermine what they say with what they do.

Most nonverbal behaviors are simply habits. With awareness and practice, you can overcome the damaging ones and replace them with new patterns to strengthen your presence and verbal message.

THE BIG MISTAKES

People may present themselves as either overly aggressive or too passive -- particularly when they are under stress.

The following don’ts can dilute the most compelling words.

Top nonverbal gaffes...

Pointing a finger.

Pounding your fist.

Placing hands on hips.

Wringing your hands.

Making grandiose gestures -- or not making any gestures at all.

Sticking out your tongue or licking your lips as you speak.

Looking at the floor.

Assuming a stern facial expression.

Swaying.

Tapping your foot.

Playing with pocket change.

AWARENESS IS KEY

Becoming alert to your own actions is the critical starting point. At first, you may catch mistakes only after you’ve made them. But with increased awareness, you’ll be able to stop yourself before you slip. Awareness aids...

Ask a trusted friend or colleague for an evaluation.

Have yourself videotaped role-playing a work situation with a friend -- or giving a presentation.

Look through candid photos of yourself to see if you can spot any patterns such as, say, an off-putting facial expression.

After any important encounter, review your actions to evaluate your own performance.

To chart your progress, keep a log of changes you’ve made. Work on one habit at a time. If you want help, consider a presentation-skills class or an individual coach. Training may be available at your own company or a local university.

IMPORTANT ADJUSTMENTS

Stand confidently. Your stance does -- or does not -- convey the image of a confident individual.

Stance errors seem to be divided along gender lines...

Women: Many slouch, cross one foot over the other, shift all their weight to one foot.

Men: Many assume an in-your-face, John Wayne posture -- with feet wide apart and hands on hips. Others stand passively with feet together, swaying back and forth while jingling pocket change.

Ideal for women and men: Place feet parallel to each other, four to six inches apart, with weight distributed evenly between both feet. Keep shoulders back (but not “boot camp” back) and chin up. Unless you are gesturing, let hands rest at your sides.

Monitor your gestures. Gestures can help bolster a point... or they can distract or unnerve your listeners.

Alienating: Three of the top 11 gaffes -- finger-pointing, fist-pounding and making grandiose gestures -- are perceived as aggressive. Crossed arms appear cold, closed and defensive.

Distracting: Knuckle-cracking or toying with objects steals attention from your words. Partially covering your mouth as you talk blocks your speech.

To prepare for a presentation, choose a few gestures to reinforce your words. Practice them along with your speech.

Make eye contact. If you’re trying to win cooperation or resolve a conflict, talk at eye level. Standing or sitting above someone can make the other person feel less powerful... and you risk provoking a defensiveness “backlash.”

Putting the other person at ease, rather than intimidating him/her, will get you further. If you are much taller than others, it can be more effective to sit during discussions.

Monitor your own expression. Is the look on your face consistent with what you’re saying and the way you want to be perceived? Look at a videotape or photos to see your facial expressions.

In general, women tend to oversmile, falling victim to what I call newscaster syndrome -- delivering even serious news with a disconcerting grin. Men usually need to smile more. Some habitually appear so stern that even their compliments seem negative or insincere.

Instant face-lift: Smiling with your eyes imparts an open, confident appearance. Your eyes should look warm -- not bulging. Practice in the mirror until it comes naturally.

Modulate your voice. A too-soft voice is easily ignored... but speaking too loudly may cause others to tune you out. Nerves can make you rev up your speed. Avoid talking ever faster to get more information across. If you don’t have enough time to say all you want, arrange to pick up the conversation another time.

Respect space. In the US, when two people communicate, the average distance between them is three feet -- about arm’s length. Standing closer can make people feel uncomfortable or intimidated. If someone steps back when you speak, it usually signals that you are encroaching on his personal space.

Touchy issues: Though relationships vary, my advice is no touching beyond a simple handshake. A pat on the back may be acceptable in some corporate cultures or to some people -- but not to others. Err on the conservative side.