T he secret to confronting obnoxious neighbors and getting them to change their behavior is knowing how and when to present your argument.

UNDERSTANDING BAD BEHAVIOR

Most neighbors who play stereos too loudly... mow lawns too early in the morning... or extend fences or gardens onto your property aren’t malicious. They are simply insensitive or oblivious to your peace of mind and/or your space -- it is nothing personal.

By understanding and remembering this, you will be better able to distance yourself from the problem and think clearly about the best solution.

BASIC SOLUTION

There’s an old expression, No one hears his own dog bark. When you first confront a neighbor, assume he/she means well. A good opener is, I’m sorry to bring this up, but..., That makes it easier for the neighbor to apologize by saying, Gee, I’m sorry it bothered you.

If you start with threats, your neighbor may become defiant... and possibly belligerent. Once relationships between neighbors turn nasty, they are extremely difficult to untangle and the problems frequently become worse.

Solution: Pleasantly but firmly make your point and explain how the situation is affecting you. When the annoying behavior stops, send a thank-you note.

IF YOUR PLEA IS IGNORED

Document several additional occurrences of the problem. Note the hour and date when the noise occurred and how long it lasted.

Also consider taping the noise. A record of the problem may help you drive home your point with your neighbor. It can also serve as evidence if you must take legal action.

Mail a copy of the detailed log to the offending neighbor with a letter politely explaining the problem.

If the problem persists, draft another letter, repeating when the noise occurred. Have other affected neighbors sign it, and send it to the offending party. Hopefully, this will drive home the point and demonstrate its magnitude.

If your pleas are still ignored, call the police the next time the noise occurs.

If the neighbor ignores police warnings, you can sue in small-claims court for financial damages by placing a monetary value on the effects of your neighbor’s actions.