W ith the roles of women and men changing at home and at work, it has never been more important for the sexes to improve how they communicate with each other.

Conversation styles that may seem harmless to members of the same sex are easily misinterpreted by those of the opposite sex and can come across as insensitive, exasperating, unprofessional or simply rude.

Here’s how to close the communication gap and reduce the likelihood of appearing offensive or being offended.

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO WHEN TALKING TO MEN

Get right to the point. When women talk to each other about a particular event, they are frequently very descriptive. They supply all the details as they go along to make sure the listener completely understands the situation. And most women expect to hear these details.

Men are usually more interested in the outcome than in how it was reached. They find the details distracting and are troubled when they pile up. Impatience and interruptions often follow.

Example: A woman manager is telling a male colleague about a meeting she just attended. She tells him what she said, what the client said, what her boss said, and her male coworker gets impatient. She thinks he’s being insensitive, but he’s simply anxiously awaiting the outcome or conclusion.

Helpful: When women talk to men, they can bridge the communication gap by starting with the ending of the story, then filling in the details.

This is true whether the situation is professional or personal. If you tell a man up front why he needs to know about what you’re saying, he’ll be more receptive to the rest of the story.

Don’t let politeness be misinterpreted as agreement. Women often smile and nod while someone is speaking. A man may interpret this to mean that a female listener agrees with what he is saying when it’s actually just a gesture of encouragement that means, Yes, I’m listening. Go on. Then, when it turns out that the woman listener verbally disagrees with him, he views her as conniving and duplicitous.

Helpful: Avoid such problems by not hiding your opinion in order to be polite. Men appreciate women who are direct and honest from the start.

If you disagree with a man, say so. Interrupt him if you have to. And don’t take it personally if he does not immediately accept your point of view. Be ready to defend it if you have to.

Lower the pitch of your voice. Nervousness can cause a woman’s throat and vocal muscles to become tense. As a result, her voice gets higher -- and men may perceive this tone as judgmental, whiny or helpless.

To have your words taken seriously by men, teach yourself to speak in an adult’s, not a child’s, voice.

Helpful: Relax your vocal muscles by increasing the support from your abdomen. An easy way to do this is by bearing down gently. This will automatically lower your pitch. Also project your voice so it can be heard.

Don’t insist that a man “open up.” This problem arises most often in personal relationships, but it can be an issue with office teammates as well.

Saying, I know something is bothering you, and I wish you would tell me about it is a red flag for a man. It makes him feel criticized, which is not conducive to self-revelation. In addition, too many women are disappointed when men don’t reveal the “right” or “deep enough” feelings.

The best way to encourage a man to talk freely is to provide a nonaccusatory environment and invite him to talk, without pressuring him.

Example: I get the impression something is on your mind. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m ready to listen.

When a man tells you something personal, be sure to provide positive reinforcement by listening compassionately. While your advice is probably appreciated, don’t try to change the way he feels.

Don’t put down male-bonding rituals. Women solidify their relationships by paying each other compliments and sharing personal information about themselves. Men tend to use humor and sarcasm or talk about external subjects.

Too often, women act as though this type of bonding is stupid or trivial. They roll their eyes or change the subject when men talk about a sports event or an action movie.

Helpful: Lighten up. Recognize that these remarks are attempts to establish a connection, and treat them in the spirit they’re meant. That does not mean you should suffer quietly through boring play-by-play descriptions, but don’t interrupt immediately or make men think what they are talking about is moronic.

After about five minutes, try to move the conversation to other topics without being condescending.

WHAT MEN CAN DO WHEN TALKING TO WOMEN

Talk with women, not at them. Men are used to taking the floor and interrupting each other if they want to get into a discussion. Women encourage mutual participation by pausing often and asking each other questions. When a man launches into a monologue, a woman is likely to feel he is lecturing her or, even worse, treating her like a child.

Helpful: Think discuss, not tell. Teach yourself to stop and ask questions that invite the other person’s input: What do you think? Is that how you see it?

Don’t forget to elaborate. While women err on the side of being too descriptive and demonstrative when they speak, men tend to speak too dispassionately‚ which can make them appear uninterested or uninvolved.

Helpful: Use more adjectives to describe what you’re saying, give details and examples, talk not only about what occurred but how you perceived it and vary the pitch of your voice to avoid speaking in a clipped staccato.

Don’t give commands. Because of men’s get-to-the-point orientation, they’re more likely to make demands (Get me the Roper file) than polite requests (Could you please bring me the Roper file?). This clipped style may seem efficient to a man, but to a woman it is rude and implies a lack of respect.

Helpful: Phrasing requests politely will make a big difference in the level of cooperation you will receive in return.

Watch your body language. Men’s unconscious physical habits, such as taking up a lot of room when sitting or standing, leaning in to make a point, making eye contact or gesticulating vigorously, can be perceived as overly aggressive or intrusive by a woman.

Helpful: Be aware of the physical space you’re taking up, and don’t hog a woman’s territory. Look at her face rather than staring into her eyes, and keep hand and arm gestures close to your body.

Don’t raise your voice. Men tend to speak louder when they’re frustrated or disagree with something. While yelling sometimes works in standoffs with male competitors, it will earn you a reputation as a bully with women.

Helpful: When you notice the volume of your voice rising, breathe in through your mouth, hold the breath for a moment, then speak as though the words are coming out in a steadily flowing stream. This sends more air through your throat -- taking pressure off your vocal cords and causing you to relax and talk more slowly. Once you try this technique a few times, you’ll be able to do this easily without its being detected.